Tuesday, September 21, 2004

A Mole Special Report: The "Lives' of Alice Cooper....or days of them!

Greetings To Mole-Mongers & The AC faithful world-wide!

I am the Mole! And I swear to God, if we had just hired a camera crew to travel with us on this past 2nd leg of the Eyes of Alice Cooper Tour 2004 we would most definitely have had the #1 rated reality T.V. show in America (and possibly the world!) So much drama and bizarre events have taken place in these past months that I would have titled the show: The "lives" of Alice Cooper.

But being that there wasn't even a video camera (that WE know of) within 50 ft. of the following episodes, you will just have to trust the 'ol Moles shaky recounting of these listed events as the gospel truth. Not withstanding the Moles insatiable desire for writers embellishment, the following situations definitely, maybe,really, possibly occurred exactly how they are described below:

Top 5 things to come out of the Bizzaro World of the Alice Cooper Camp, but not making the CNN ticker.....except for the snake incident:

1. The Ebola "Eye" Virus hits the tour: what started looking like a simple case of someone using the opening bands eye liner and protracting a simple eye irritation turns out to almost blind the entire band and crew! Eric Dover and Cali were the two that the eye fungus hit first and hardest......causing them to perform shows with large "Jackie-O" type glasses and even some shows Mr. Dover performing with an Eye-patch (and those of you who saw those shows thought that Eric was just trying to revive a Prince Purple Rain-era outfit.....well, maybe he was!) The Captain Morgan look was fun, the real threat of spreading the crippling eye fungus disease was not....luckily (except for Cali or Dover) it didn't spread beyond the two (and all their friends back home that merely looked at them!) So once again.....the AC camp dodges a bullet and doesn't have to change the name of the tour to "The bleeding virus fungus laden Eye's of Alice Cooper Tour 2004".....how would that fit on a marquee anyway!

2. One Week.....Three Busses: when you are on the road, the tour bus is your home....well guess what, we moved houses 3 times in 1 week! We are not entirely sure that management changed busses and drivers in search of the perfect ride or in search of the perfect right fielder for the AC softball team currently known as the Nightmares.....what we DO know is that following a heroic win where our former driver was awarded the MVP of the game, a change was made. And immediately following the change the Nightmares lost their next game.....could this be worse then the Cubbie Curse?.....only time will tell! Also, regarding fun little bus anecdotes, on a recent bus drive from Market C to Market F we were forced to pull over to the side of the road while just 500 yds. ahead of us, we witnessed a traveling "meth-lab" truck burn to the ground....trust me, I couldn't make this up if I tried!

3. The Return of Teddy Zig-Zag: As if changing busses wasn't hard enough....changing band members too?? With over 2 1/2 weeks left with the 2nd Leg, who could the Alice Cooper camp rely on to finish up the dates? The immediate thought was to find another guitarist, but wait......isn't there someone ALREADY in the organization that hasn't made an appearance on The EYE's tour yet, but HAS performed on the album....you got it, the answer is soooooo simple: Teddy Zig-Zag!! Coming in with just 48 hrs. of time to prepare himself for the big rock show, Zig-Zag showed amazing grace and courage getting thrown into the ring of fire......congrats Teddy....."heeeeeee's baaaaaaaack! The Man Behind the Spanish Wrestlers Mask!" For those of you that came to the 2 transition shows with just 1 guitar, or as I like to refer to them as the "Led Cooper" or "Alice Van Halen" line-up, you witnessed a little AC history......the first time that the big rock show was performed with a 4-piece line up.....kudos to the Alice Cooper road crew of technicians and sound/lighting designers that really stepped up and helped turn a potentially sucky situation into a nice shot of adrenaline right into the butt of the band! (ambiguously gay comment.....I know)

4. The Rise & Fall & Rise of the AC Nightmares: As many of you know, or may not know, the Alice Cooper Organization has put together a softball team comprising of Band, Crew and Management with sublime and horrific results.....the amalgamation of these three ingredients have created a synergy that can only be compared to popcorn, raisenettes, and a bad 80's movie.....actually, the team has had some really exciting and well played games and its over all record now stands at 4 wins--1loss......but man was that loss ugly!.....for more play by play on each of the games go check out:
Like we said before, the Nightmares will take on any Radio Station, Convalescent Home, or Hooters Restaurant that feel they have the (soft) balls to take us on!

5. Snake bites off more then she can chew: the world infamous boa that graces Alice's shoulders night after night during "Sick Things" apparently wanted just a little bit more to eat after her weekly fill of filthy rodent....don't we all? But an electric heating pad? The sight of an electric cord coming out of a snakes mouth is scary enough.....the fact that the cord was still plugged in is even more surreal! The Luck of Alice Cooper must be passed onto his snake, because just like a bizarre after school special, the Snake went into Emergency surgery,survived, and is recovering nicely in a nice Snake hospice. The Snake shall hopefully live happily ever after.......filthy rodents and electric blankets beware!

Soooooo.....there ya go, a little update to keep ya'll in the loop of what's REALLY going on in the Life and Crimes of the Alice Cooper Camp.....and for those of you that know the Mole as the official spokes-animal of Roxie 77, then you must be getting pretty excited about the Official release of the R77 debut CD: Peace, Love & Armageddon.....it's just upon us, and in a matter of days or weeks (not years I promise!) we will be posting up info on exactly when, where, how & why to pick up the new disc either through the Internet, or through your favorite Mom & Pop multi-national corporate record shop......so c'mon by the site and help celebrate Armageddon.....it's finally here!!!...ironic, no?!?

And as we get ready for this Third and final leg of the 2004 Eye's of Alice Cooper big rock show, remember: We see you out there at the shows! We appreciate your enthusiasm, support and amazing energy you give us. Don't be afraid to say hello and have us sign your breasts (unless you have a hairy chest, in that case the sharpie is ruined!).....and by all means, let the Mole know when you are going to come out to a show.....'cause even though he does live underground, he's always willing to come up for air......Breath, Breath, Breath!!!!!

Peace, Love, and the upcoming NFL 2004 Regular Season!

Enjoy the noise....

- the Mole


Peace, Love, and Armageddon..... the new CD!

This is our world, our time, and our place....we can pay tribute to the
past, and speculate about the future, but the only thing for sure is RIGHT
NOW....so make the most of it. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is uncertain,
today you shine.....If you're going to heaven, congratulations...if you're
going straight to hell, you might as well enjoy the ride....R77


get to meet the rest of the guys at






or get to know the main man at


If you wanna read up on the past Mole posts feel free to go here: Roxie77 Blog Spot http://roxie77.blogspot.com/

Feel free to pass this on to anyone else in the free universe (free for now that is!!)....

Welcome Damon Johnson to this leg of the Alice Cooper Big Rock Show.....!!!